

"America's Finest News Source."
Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.
Norm Archer

Cock Puncher

Dana Dobbs

Sensei

Dennis McCormick

Michael Bolton

Ahmed

White Black Guy Tim

Ivy Leaguer

Cooking Show Chef

Wizard Proteus

Rodney Dangerfield

Peruvian
Typical Neighbor Husband

Kip Kendall

Alzheimers Old Lady

Alzheimers Guy in Crowd

Producer

Producer

Melissa Cherry

Surgeon General

Dibo

Kenneth Garber

The Masses

Rapist Lisa

Rape Victim Julie

Steel Beam Architect

Line-Up Detective

Porn Star

Porn Star

Lollipop Love Dancer

Office Worker

Lollipop Love Dancer

Lollipop Love Dancer

Wigger Jim

Heavy Girl

Announcer

Hippie Diplomant

Bryce Brand

Bryce's Manager

Bates Computer Salesman Dirk

Peen Out Guy

James Nakatami

Gay Guy
Gil Bates

Cockpuncher Entourage